Hey y’all I hope you are having a good night, I am having a rough night because I am currently going through withdrawal.
As I sit here watching my favorite binge worthy TV, Lt. Joe Kenda aka Homicide Hunter from Investigation Discovery, I thought about how you all don’t really know my story. What brought me here, to create this website, to try and help those who suffer from anxiety, depression, chronic pain, chronic illness or someone who just needs to smile. So here it is:
Five years ago my back went out, now I could go on and on about how horrific this was, but honestly it was only the beginning. Basically I was in a ton of pain and my lowest spinal disc had collapsed. Due to my young age it took the doctors over eight months to finally decide to do surgery. I had major back surgery at the age of 29, my L-5, S-1 are now fused together.
Since then I have had the following to treat the nerve damage and scar tissue that remains in my spine, as well as severe bursitis in both hips:
- Three different rounds of Physical Therapy
- Over 40 epidural injections
- Two hip injections
- Two nerve burnings
- 2nd Back Surgery: Spinal Cord Stimulator
- 4 different opioids to treat the constant pain
- Lidoderm Patches
- Lidocaine cream
I could go on. The thing is that my entire life was taken from me. When my back first went out I was in the middle of nursing school, about to get married and had the entire world at my feet. Pain took nursing school from me and due to the stress that nursing would put on my spine I had to give up my dream of finishing, with only one year left. BUT…..I never gave up…..I had to keep fighting.
In December of 2015 my pain doctor at the time told me that I should get a morphine pump and I said, “NO!” I knew, as any chronic pain patient would, that a morphine pump was the end, no getting better, no moving forward. I was 32 and I wasn’t ready to give up. So I looked for a new doctor, someone who might actually care about me, who might actually try to make me better and thank God I found one. He tried shots and procedures no one else thought of and he gave me my life back.
Yes, I will always have pain and I will always live with restrictions but I today was the first day in four years where I did NOT take a pain pill. NOT because pain medications are bad or did not help my pain but because my pain is finally manageable without the need for pain meds. I am a lucky one, there are so many people out there, so many CHRONIC PAIN WARRIORS who aren’t able to go off their meds because they need them to be able to function, to be able to work, to be there for their kids.
Since I was able to find a way to reduce my pain today I took my last Norco. Is it scary? Yes, sometimes I am terrified the pain will return and I will have no defenses, but then I look back at how far I have come. A year ago I could barely get out of bed, in constant agonizing pain, depressed, anxious and constantly feeling so useless. Today I can sit on my couch and watch tv, I can go for short walks, and I can sit in a car and not cry from pain. It is a constant journey and today I look back and think, “look how far I have come!”
P.S. Never Give Up!!